Summertime in Amarillo

Thanks so much for praying for me. I can really tell. I do feel like my stamina is growing for mommyhood. But, invariably, just when I think I can handle this I have a meaningless argument with a 7-year old that leaves me in tears or maybe tears for no good reason. So funny when I step back and think about it.

This summer has been a blessing. I really am grateful for the time with the kids. We are really having fun most of the time. I can see why being a mom-especially in the summertime- can be so difficult. So much pressure to get the kids physical activity …but so stinkin hot outside! What to do??!! Luckily, we do have a really nice pool in town that the kids love to go to. For the first few times I went I wouldn’t go in the pool with the kids. I’ve decided that some of the moms in this city never eat. Or maybe they live at the gym. How the heck to they have so many children AND six-pack abs??!!! So wrong. Then there are other moms more like me….which helps me feel validated. Somehow I’ve gotten over my issues of being seen in a swimsuit in public and have decided to get in the pool with the kids. Addison especially loves it because she can get in the deep end with me. I do love taking them to the pool simply because it wears them out…and they get some great exercise. So, we’re heading to the pool this afternoon.

Several folks have asked if the kids call me “mom” yet. No, not yet, at least to my face. I’ve heard Kyler refer to me as mom to other people…and I know he wants to call me mom….but hasn’t yet to my face. Addison will take longer I think. She does have lots of memories of her mom…and Andrea made two photo books for each of the kids with lots of pictures of her with them in it. I’m grateful for those books. Addison especially loves hers and often says “I want mama back.” In spite of all this…she did call me mama in one extraordinarily nostalgic moment a few weeks ago. She said “mama, there’s a dead roach!!” (just fyi…We had just had the exterminator come out and spray…so dead bugs were not uncommon.) Somehow, I imagined the first time she’d call me mama would be this really sweet, tender moment…..not one surrounding dead things!! J made me laugh, though!

I am learning how to weave in time with Jesus now. I’m desperate for it. I’m so far behind in my reading its embarrassing…but I’m working on catching up. Journaling, well, that’s my next step…finding time to do that consistently. I know my heart needs it. Lordwilling, it will come in time.

We did finally get the living room painted and my stuff on the walls. I still have a box of pictures to go through of the kids and put into photo albums. Not sure when this will happen since I’m not a scrapbooker at all anymore. Slowly, the house is feeling like home. Amarillo is a great little town too. It definitely has its plusses. I mean, where else can you get your name changed on your social security card, drivers license, and open a new checking account all within an hour and a half?? Seriously we did it that fast. Such a blessing! It is a nice place to live, however, I hope I never get used the crisp smell of cow manure wafting from Hereford at dusk and dawn each day. Lord help me.

Not in Kansas Anymore

Being married is so fun….so is being a mom. I love both…but wow..the changes. Let’s just say I’ve cried a lot over the last month….not because I’m unhappy…just sad and unfamiliar in this new territory. I knew this stage was coming….and even thought I’d “braced” myself for it…but I don’t think you can really prepare yourself for all this.

I have been overwhelmed a lot. Cooking. Laundry. Cleaning up after four people is MUCH more than for just one…who knew?! Probably the hardest part has been adjusting to not being completely in control of my time. Since I’m home with kids this summer…trying to “work”…I’m finding that I just can’t get as much done as I could when I was single. (I know, I know…there’s a big DUH out there for me.) In the past when I’ve moved I got all the moving in done asap. I’m STILL sitting in our living room next to boxes of stuff I don’t want to put up until we paint. It makes me anxious…and I know it bugs Mark too. I’m conflicted too because as I take things off the wall---most of which are pictures of the kids---I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Mark assures me he is fine with it…and I am going to keep all the pictures for the kids. I am becoming more and more acquainted with my sensitivities…hence the frequent crying. Poor Mark. I hold it together all day as I feel like I have to be “on” for the kids…then fall apart in the evenings when he’s there to focus on the kids.

OH yeah…did I mention my computer has been Satan’s playground for three weeks? So, I’ve been virtually worthless to Crusade which I feel horrible about. After weeks of conversations with dell techs and Crusade techs….i think I’m back to normal. Only losses are my itunes and pictures…but in the grand scheme of things…I’m over by now. Granted…I was uber frustrated in the moment. So, on top of the super slow moving in process….I’ve been super unproductive on the work front too. Ugh.

The ironic part of all this is that the Lord gave me a “rule of life” a few months ago as my community group was studying spiritual disciplines. As I prayed and focused on what I felt like the Lord wanted for me….it came down very simply.

What do I want to be true of me? Grateful. Generous. Graceful.

I remember some friends commenting on how that rule will be a gift to me as I enter this marriage/stage of life. The few moments I do sit down and listen to the Lord these days, this rings so true. If only I can remember to give myself grace in this stage. You can pray that I can do this… learn how to set reachable goals for myself. I don’t know if that makes sense….but Mark is so great about encouraging me and affirming me through this process.

The Lord has given me some sweet-but new- friends…who are amazingly initiating with me consistently. Huge gift. Unbeleiveable small group-we all love Jesus and have the same sense of humor. I can’t say enough about them.
I do feel like I’m babbling at this point. So sorry. Just wanted to give you a snapshot into my life/heart at this stage. I do love being here. I love my husband and kiddos. They are super great I am just on the steepest learning curve of my life …so I covet your prayers. Here’s where the babbling will end. Thanks for reading this far and for your prayers. I’d love to hear from you! ….