The Road to Hell

Such a catchy title, huh?! Well, I stole it. It comes from a quote by John Donne. He said, "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions." Why this quote has stuck in my mind since college is beyond me. Why couldn't it be a more happy thought like "God is Love" ...or "You are my sunshine"....or... whatever..you fill in the blanks. Only the Lord knows why...perhaps He knows it movitates me on some dark, twisted level. I'm not afraid of going to Hell..because I am confident that my faith in Christ is enough. What strikes me is that unfulfilled intentions can fill a life. Ick. Sounds awful and I don't want that to be true of me.

Especially now that I'm back to living by myself I'm struck by the truth that so much possibility lies before me and is somewhat within my control. It is so easy (and honestly, fun, sometimes) to be enveloped by my cushy couch and drown the entire night with the brainless sounds of the tv. While this activity is perhaps one of my favorites I am struck by the vision the Lord has given me for my life. Not so much the career vision...but the "being" vision. Who He wants me to be... I do long to be a light for Jesus wherever I am...but how many times have I moved and never bothered to meet my neighbors? Oh, I always thought I should...just never made it happen. Or how often do I plan my schedule based on what fills my cup...instead of what can I do for someone else. I don't want to squander this life on myself...that is not why I'm here. I know deep down that if I continue on this path I will be left with regret. Yet, it is such a default setting for me.

I'm so grateful for the grace of God. He knows I'm prone to wander. He knows that I sometimes think on some level...that I would never verbalize....that He doesn't know my needs and ultimately no one will meet them if I don't do it myself. He knows my unbelief and still surrounds me with His kind and abundant love. I still don't get it.

I think that part of me developing a greater understanding of His love will come from me choosing to step out in faith and do the things that may not come naturally...but can communicate His love in some small way. Maybe....I might need to noodle on that just a little more.....it's a fresh revelation.

Why all this rambling? Well, I've been convinced by the Spirit of God to be different in this apartment complex. I made chocolate chip cookies...and ventured out to meet the neighbors tonight. Shrouded in fear I started knocking on doors. While I haven't been able to meet everyone yet I am overwhelmed by God's goodness. I met two families who just moved here from Korea. They didn's speak much English...but did you know Chocolate chip cookies transcends language barriers. Seemed like there were a gillion kids in there...they jumped up and grabbed the cookies while I tried to make some conversation with one of the moms. Precious.

Who knows if I'll ever see these folks again...it doesn't matter. I just want to be available...and not so focused on my own life.

Actually, I need to go next door... babysitter said they'd be back by 8.