Rocky Mountain High 3

June 28.2007

It’s Thursday night and I’m avoiding studying for my Old Testament final exam tomorrow. So, call it what you’d want, but I thought I’d take some time to write and update you on the week.

I’ve been taking an Old Testament Survey class for the past two weeks. It has been a whirlwind of information but so fun too. I have really enjoyed our professor and his perspectives. The final is tomorrow and while I’ll be glad to put the uber-anal-studious Robyn away, I’ll be sad to end my afternoons of lecture…at least to a degree. The next couple weeks will be spent working on housing alone…so who knows how busy I’ll really be. I need to find something to occupy my mind for sure.

The Lord is working…and I am grateful. A girl on my floor asked me the other night “what are you praying for this summer?”. I was so taken back by that question. I was shocked because my gut reaction was to spurt off “a date, duh??!!” Gratefully, I caught myself before I said that out loud and just said “let me get back with you.” As I took this disturbing encounter before the Lord I was really disgusted with my heart’s condition. I just found in me a heart so focused on men that I didn’t care about others, ministry, or any other possible relationship this summer. I was sad also that I found a spirit of entitlement in me which, ironically, is one of my biggest pet peeves in others. I have had several times with Jesus lately where I have just had to confess my frustration and spirit of entitlement. While being married is obviously a huge desire in me (and so many)…I don’t ever want it to supersede my desire for the Lord. I want my heart to be focused on Him, trusting in Him…and leaving my anxious desires at His feet and living in a way that I can rest and trust daily. As simple as this may sound…I’m re-learning my purpose on this planet is not to be married someday. It’s kind of ironic to me because as I’ve reflected on this I realize that I go through this “object lesson” every summer in some shape, form, or fashion. Obviously, I’m a slow learner. Obviously, Jesus’ grace and mercy are abundant in my life.

I am participating in social stuff out here by faith. My cynical side says “there are no guys who would notice me” or “I’m too old for these guys” or “only the social misfits will show up”…but by faith I’ll stay in action. You can continue to pray that I will stay engaged socially. I’ m probably spending too much time alone with Jack Bauer and season 3 of 24. In fact, I’m pretty sad that I only have 4-5 episodes left to watch. I’m tired of being cynical and just don’t think it is honoring to the Lord. I’m very aware of my heart’s language right now…but still think it is somewhat hard to hope. I know Jesus is bigger than this…and has amazing plans for me …even this summer. I don’t want to miss out on His presence in my life by focusing on one category.

I know I sound very melancholy. I still am…but I do believe my hope is growing as I connect with Jesus through this experience.